party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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