maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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