We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
