Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
