You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
