all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
