I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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