you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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