imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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