theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
home. puking in laundry basket.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
