please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
