In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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