you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
