So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
