I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
