I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
