I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
