I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
