thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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