I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
