Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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