I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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