Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
