Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is the high leading the old right now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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