Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
