We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
