well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
