This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
