He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
