please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
