I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
