Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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