I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
