Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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