I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
