I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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