i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
