is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
