I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
