The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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