better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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