We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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