just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
