why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
