I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
