I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
