girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
