update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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