you guys were way drunker than both of me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
