Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
