I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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