he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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