I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
