if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
