I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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