now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
