K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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