I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
