I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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