11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
