just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
